red sea - remember your cross(ing)

ya'll know what's funny? the fact that i am here, finally here, at the verses i couldn't wait to uncover in the scripture, and i feel like there's only one post to write. i thought it would be a good three posts, but i feel that God was trying to show me all the other stuff i uncovered in the previous 5 or so blogs on the exodus about how good He is. even as i type this and come to the realization that this post is more about the people than about the Lord, i see how imperative it was to delve into scripture the way i did, the way the Lord asked me to. otherwise, i would've have gotten a pretty tainted and incomplete view of who our Father is but refusing to see who he was. so, alas. we are at the red sea (hallelujah!) and we are going to put ourselves in the sandals of the israelites.

imagine if you will: you are an israelite. you've been wandering in the wilderness for God knows how long, tying to escape pharaoh's reign, when he suddenly changes his mind and heart and readies his 600 chariots to recapture you as servants? Exodus 14:10 tells us that as pharaoh and the egyptians marched after them, the israelites lifted their eyes and cried out to the Lord and they were very afraid. they call to moses, crying that slavery under pharaoh is still a better life than death in the wilderness. here they were, with the egyptians quickly encroaching on one side of them, and the sea blockading the other side. where was their reproach? it seemed like a pretty dire situation.

i can think of countless times that i personally have felt backed into a corner, where I knew the Lord had promised provision and all i see within my state of wilderness is the enemy on one side, and a vast ocean on the other. its usually in these situations and circumstances that i am able to see the Lord fight for me when i let go of my fear and stand still (v. 13-14). He is still faithful in those situations, and just because we can't see the door, doesn't mean that He has not fashioned one for us.

prior to coming to Haiti, i felt like i had just walked up to this vast red sea. welp, i am here God. i have no idea how you are going to get me out of the wilderness. and i have no clue how you are going to get me to cross that sea. its in those moments we have to lay down everything logical, everything we have learned about tangible, tactile knowledge and have faith. i personally believe our faith in moments like that are more precious to the Lord than when we choose to follow His direct path or voice or plan that has been laid out before us. in those moments, we know that the odds are against us, but that "through Christ, nothing is impossible" (Phil. 4:13). that when we put our faith in His provision, His faithfulness, and His steadfast love for us, we choose God. over fear, over doubt, over the enemy, over the easy way, over comfort, over selfish desire, over living as our old selves. we choose Him. i believe the Lord rejoices in that! Zephaniah 3:16-17 tells us we are to not be afraid, "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." But He doesn't want the only one to experience the joeux de Dieu (joy of the Lord); no! in John 15: 11 Jesus reminds us to follow His teaching so that "My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." what great news that God truly does desire us to be full in joy of Him. he doesn't require adhesion to rules, just relationship. we are to live out His teachings as an example of His love for us, and we are to choose Him, in faith.

i know personally in my life and from the lives of people close to me that this is not always an easy thing to live out. even one of apostles, likely the tangible, concrete thinker, Thomas had a hard time with faith. and he was an apostle!!!! we learn in John 20:24 that he wasn't present when Jesus rose from the tomb, so when he found out about it, He boldly said, "Unless i see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails and put my hand into His side, I will not believe." (v. 25). Thomas wanted steadfast proof to know that the Lord had risen. fortunately for Thomas, Jesus returned to the apostles and showed Himself to Thomas, who then declared it was the Lord. but Jesus responded: "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." faith is about, just that: faith. not knowing, seeing, feeling, experiencing. it's about believing in the lack of those things.

***

"then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea into dry land, and the waters were divided.”

right before you, Moses raises his staff at the ocean. what the heck is he doing? you wonder. shaking his stick in fury at the raging sea? then all of the sudden, the waters part. wait ... that wind. that wind was not there before. the sea, the sea! look! it is rising! Praise Him! He's giving us a way out of the wilderness! but how do we know the wind will hold up? what if we become trapped underneath the waves on either side, and drown here in the sea? i know these fleshly thoughts would be consuming my mind, even in the presence of the Lord and something so miraculous. wanna know why? because more often, when God has called us to do something, has shown us His path, it is usually terrifying! God doesn't call us to do small things. When we hear His call, when we let Him take lead, it's usually equatable to crossing the red sea. it is proof that we need Him. that we can not do this on our own. He parted that waters, and we have to trust that He will get us across to the other side.

to me, this image resonates with a bittersweet feeling. its usually in this time that we are stretched, grown, and called in pretty dynamic ways. it takes a ton of faith on our part to even make the first step onto the riverbed, where we know the waters once dwelled. when God parted the waters for me to go to Haiti, i had to trust that He would deliver financially and spiritually to get me here. choosing faith when doubt would be easier (because let's face it, the odds are against us in this world) is a very difficult choice to make. but walking through that sea on dry ground?! can you imagine the testimony?! when we walk through something with the Lord that we never saw coming, nor saw possible, we are bettered tremendously for it! in january, i never thought i was going to get through that still, still waiting period of my life. i didn't know it was possible. but watching as God parted water to the east and the west for me!? while i watched Him get me from one side of the sea to the other?! admittedly, it was such a difficult time in my life, but in those times, we are matured and worked through in the Lord! can I get an amen! "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." --(Romans 8:28) i know that with the Lord, i have been able to walk through every potentially disastrous situation with a testimony of having been daunted by the seas; but have found victory in Christ!

***

once God delivers us to the other side of the sea, however; it becomes a different ball game. after the initial high of rejoicing in what He has done for us and accomplished in us, we are all too quick to forget His provision; what did He just deliver us from!? it wasn't but three days later that the israelites were in the wilderness and unable to find water. the people complained against Moses, saying 'What shall we drink?'

wait a second. God just parted the waters of the sea for you, so you could walk across on dry land; and you're worried you don't have water to drink? okay, so maybe you haven't even been to the red sea; but i guarantee you can relate. i know i can. God raised my finances for four months, in less than two weeks! ALL my expenses taken care of; God did not want me to worry! He has it in control: "therefore do not worry, saying, 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' ... for your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. but seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt. 6:31-34).

okay, so we know we are not to worry, and that the Lord takes care of us. but then: the unthinkable happens. we come up against opposition, --or doubt, or fear, or circumstances, or a scary situation-- and we forget that our Father, who has taken care of us, clothed us, fed us, led us through the red sea after parting the waters for us, is the same: yesterday. today. and always (Hebrews 13:8). we are so quick to forget what God has done for us, and even question His presence if we don't see Him delivering. if we're not in the midst of His presence in the moment, we doubt His existence, His hand on the situation.

we see all throughout the Gospels instances where the disciples are SO quick to forget who Jesus is, when He is even right in front of their faces!!! i take an odd, and sad, comfort in knowing that even the apostles couldn't get it right. that doesn't excuse us though. Paul charges us in Ephesians to "walk in a manner worthy of the call to which we have been called" (4:1). and i believe that God has definitely called us to faith, a strong and bold faith in Him.

***

i know that here in haiti, i have to be very careful to doubt what the Lord is doing. He's so ever-present that I have become super sensitive to the moments I am lacking in fresh revelation of/from Him. which is good, but I have noticed moments of impatience or simply not even wanting to wait to hear what He has for me next. and to be completely honest, i'm scared of what He has for me as the next step; i thought my waiting period was also preparation for haiti, but getting here, i feel like haiti is mad preparation for something even bigger in my life; so i have NO clue what God is going to say and do in my life over the next 3 months. as i day dream and my thoughts meander over the possibilities, i am quick to say, "there is no way God could do that. there's no way i could manage that. etc." limiting the Lord's ability to do what He needs to do to get me to stay or go or return or whatever. how quick am i to forget His saving grace? His mercies new? His healing power? His faithful, financial provision? how he's moved mountains for me to come to Haiti? how I've heard Him speak through His word and other's encouragement? how even in being here, i've heard Him say wait?

i challenge you to not forget what the Lord has done for you. what he has brought you through, out of, into. how He has blessed you; disciplined you. what He has told you: to do, to seek, to wait for. what you've last heard from Him. the desires He's set forth in your heart, the talents He's favored you with. but most of all, don't forget the cross. the life sacrificed so that we would have a life worth living. the gracious gift of a Father for His children. for the undeserving. that His blood was shed for all of us. that He freely went so we could freely live. meditate on that for a moment. if you can't think of one thing that God has done for you, at least know that the Lord-- that loved His people enough to guide them across the wilderness, fight the Egyptians for them, and deliver them across a sea on dry land-- loves you so much, that He died a horrific death through crucifixion just to have an intimate relationship with you; so that you might come to know Him as your Savior and so much more.

red sea - raise your staff

so, when the Lord challenged me to read through the Exodus in the Old Testament, it came after I had a vision of Biblical parallels in my life. i was sitting in church two Sundays ago, and the Lord laid the parting of the red sea on my heart. i started thinking about it and the implications, and what the israelites were going through mentally and spiritually before, during, and after that experience.

once i started reading through, the Lord was revealing new truth and mercies about his unchanging faithfulness to those that choose to follow Him. I’ve spent over a week dissecting the passages verse by verse; hungry after the wisdom within them. all i’ve been wanting to do is dive into the red sea head first, but i have just kept hearing the Lord say, “wait, you’re not done yet! stay here.” but alas, i think i’ve finally made it through the wilderness with moses and his posse and am approaching the red sea! however; its a part of the red sea that i also didn’t envision divulging into, but giving Him praise for using His word to teach me yet something else that is new!

moses just squelched the qualms of the israelites by reminding them to put their trust in the Lord and to not be afraid. he boldly told them out of faith to stand still and watch the Lord rescue them! could you imagine being calmed by such words when the enemy is in hot pursuit and it looks like we’re backed into a small corner? would you believe them, even if they came from the Lord Himself? how often are we in similar positions in where our pursuit of the Lord looks like it has lead us to a dead end; only to find that God has a miraculous plan in place to rescue us and deliver us elsewhere if we could only just wait and be still for the Lord to rescue us?!

i think it was important for me to revisit that aspect of the passage because, to my eyes and heart at least, it has boldly stood out as a foundation aspect of faith from the beginning of Biblical time. but what followed Moses declaration of faith in the Lord was not what i would’ve expected as a leader, but maybe its time to modify my notions on leadership.

immediately after the text tells us that Moses declared victory in the Lord, God says to him, “why are you crying out to me?! tell the people to get moving!” i was shocked that God didn’t affirm his declaration, or even remind him what a blessing he has been or praise him for a steadfast faith in what God can do. Moses was a leader of the israelites; he was called out of petty faith (as we all truly are) and into a faith that requires total belief and reverence of the Lord. we wouldn’t think of rebuking a crying infant that is scared of the dark or being alone in an unfamiliar place. however, when the child grows older, and begins to cry wolf each time they are met with a small fear because they can not see their father or mother on the other side of the wall, you’ve got to be stern and show some tough love.

in january, i was nannying for this sweet, sweet girl while her family was out of town. in the past, i have had zero problem with her getting to sleep on time and without quarrel. for some reason, this time was far different. at four years old, she had to have me sit in the room with her, even when she knew i was in the other room, with the doors open and the lights on.

at first, i complied to her innocent requests; but then she became insistent that i sit on the bed with her, or fall asleep in that room. one night, she woke up in the middle of the night screaming because i was not in there. i jumped out of bed from my light slumber (i’ve learned how a mother’s sleep is never deep and restful after these experiences!) and ran to her room to show her that i could both hear her and be there in a seconds notice. but at one point that week, i had to lay down who’s boss and allow her to fall asleep after an abbreviated time of tears just to show her she could do it. that set the tone for the rest of the week, and she was fine.

God does the same thing with us sometimes. we call and call and call on Him for the same thing, over and over, when we know we are taken care of and just need to possess the faith of a mustard seed. most of the time, he is quick to direct us back on the path that he has planted before us; but in this time with Moses, he sternly said "Why are you crying out to me?!" in Job 38:1, God questions Job in almost a sarcastic way: "the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: "Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge? ... Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding." in my Bible, there is a devotional for grace out of that scripture, and the author writes, "God, like a grace-filled parent, is always trying to guide His children to a higher way when we are misinformed or misguided and are acting out of naivety -- or stupidity." --Patsy Clairmont God is not concerned with being our friend. He wants a whole-hearted faith based on His love, truth, mercy, and grace. This is a God that can part the waters, that can raise the dead, and that can heal the blind. He created this world, only He has the knowledge and wisdom and understanding that we should seek. He doesn't need us. Yet, He created us, in His image to love and serve and to have faith.

i probably lost you in the last paragraph; i think i even lost myself on that tangent. but i think it is important for me to remember that God is not all about gentleness and being P.C. He is a just and jealous God, too. He wants our faith, our lives; and He doesn't want to play second fiddle to anything else we try to put before Him.

***

i feel like i've migrated way off course of this post, but whatever. i digress, and continue.

what strikes me is that the Lord says, "Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward. But lift up your rod, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it. And the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea."

uhhhhh, what? stretch my hand? raise my staff? if i were Moses, this would be a moment I'd be shaking in my boots. think about all the questions that could've been running through his head at the time! what if nothing happens? what if we walk boldly into the sea, just to die? i know God can do this; but, through me? Moses had a heavy load on his shoulders, but the Bible doesn't mention if he walked in fear of what God was calling him to.

God is willing to do awesome things through those of us that put our trust in Him fully. whether it is part the red sea at the raise of our hand, or the "power over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease," as Jesus gave to us, noted in Matthew 10:1. in verse 8, He charges the disciples to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out deamons; for freely you have received, freely give." what if we truly believed that we had the power of jesus to do things that He has called us to? why is it so hard to believe that we have the power of Christ, living inside of us, to see us through the wilderness? when the disciples told Jesus to send the multitudes away because there was nothing to eat, he boldly told them "You give them something to eat." (Mark 6:37) well, okay. not the reaction they were looking for i'd bet. after he looked to heaven (first), blessed the bread (second) and broke the loaves (third), he gave them to the disciples to give out. Jesus knew His own power, but throughout the entire Bible, God has given us allegories and examples of where He has called man to do great things through His power and authority, and (please correct me if I am wrong, but) in those cases, God always prevails. even after His resurrection, He says, "all authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you." (Matt. 28:18-20).

Point being: be more like Moses. When God commands us to raise our staff, let's not bow out gracefully, citing our own human flesh as an excuse to not stand up to the call that God has laid upon our hearts. for in our weakness, God's strength is made perfect (2 Cor. 12:9). Moreover, we are to "examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. test yourselves. do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?" (2 Cor. 13:5)

speaking out of conviction much?

through the words of others

This is just a quick update about what God has been doing here. as much as I want to blog for hours and hours about how amazing He is, and how He is working, and even just what my day-to-day has looked like, I feel like God has asked me to put that on hold and just dive into the Word through the Old Testament in Exodus right now. I hear Him saying, "you're not done yet. keep going." and in that, I haven't been able to catch everyone up with everything I want to share! But, i will post this link about what happened last night and how incredible of a moment it was in the Lord's presence. check out Jasen's blog post here.

also, the following is a wonderful story about a the faith and healing of a young girl paralyzed in the earthquake, written by Joshua Miller, here from YWAM Orlando. It speaks multitudes about the greatness and faithfulness of our loving Father in Heaven. So touching.

On Wednesday March 10th I met a woman and her daughter on a bus ride to Port-Au-Prince. This is a testimony of one of the many ways God has been moving here in Haiti.

It was an early afternoon on Tuesday, January 12^th when Vanie Toussaint, a Christian woman and mother of four departed her house to resume her job in downtown Port-Au-Prince. As she made her way into the marketplace the smell of aging vegetables hung in the air. The sound of pedestrian traffic and small motorbikes increased as she made her way into the market. When she arrived to her merchandise stand she opened shop and began her afternoon selling clothing and other types of apparel. As usual she carried on conversation with nearby vendors as she waited in between customers.

At 4:55 p.m.the ground began to shudder beneath the city of Port-Au-Prince. A 7.1 earthquake was shaking the capitol. The initial earthquake lasted for about 30 seconds, followed by an aftershock carrying just as much force rippled throughout the city for 30 more seconds.

The force of the earthquake was so powerful that it knocked Vanie and many others to the ground. During those 60 seconds, Vanie watched as the buildings around her began to crumble and take damage. The sound of tearing concrete and collapsing buildings could be heard throughout the city. When the quake subsided, the cries of terrified and distraught Haitians rapidly filled the air.

Vanie sat on the ground in a suspended state of shock. When she was able to bring herself together she began to pray to God out of confusion for she was unsure of what was happening. Although Vanie had never experienced an earthquake before, she was not afraid for she knew God was with her. She then remembered she had left her 10-year-old daughter Chadnitha alone at the house while her other three children were with the neighbors. With this realization she pushed herself back onto her feet and hastily made her way back to the house. As she approached her home she saw from a distance one of her neighbors pulling her daughter Chadnitha out from under a door that had fallen on her during the quake. Not long after Chadnitha was rescued the house collapsed leaving everything buried and inaccessible. Nothing could be salvaged.

Although Vanie’s home was destroyed, the house where her other children were staying was not. As she approached the rubble where Chadnitha lay in the arms of her rescuer, Vanie quickly rushed to her daughter’s side. When she pulled Chadnitha into her arms she noticed something was wrong. Chadnitha could not move her legs. When Vanie realized her daughter was badly injured she decided to take her family to her sister’s place in Arachaie, a town just north of Port-Au-Prince.

When they arrived to Arachaie they remained there for nine weeks with her sister. During their stay in Archaei, Vanie was not able to get her daughter into a hospital. For those nine weeks, Chadnitha remained paralyzed, suffering with pain that could not be treated. On March 8^th Vanie was contacted by her aunt in Saint-Marc. Her Aunt told her that there was a clinic in Saint-Marc called New Beginnings Clinic that had professional doctors that could possibly help Chadnitha.

On Monday March 9th Vanie hired a moto-taxi and traveled, with Chadnitha in her arms, to the city of Saint-Marc.

As the taxi pulled up to New Beginnings Clinic they were seen by Doctor “Doc” Doe, a private practice doctor from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and a few other medical volunteers. When Vanie and her daughter stepped off the moto-taxi they were taken inside to receive a medical evaluation of Chadnitha’s condition.

When Doc saw a large protrusion at the top of Chadnitha’s spine he recommended Vanie take her to the hospital in Saint-Marc to have an X-ray done. So Vanie took her daughter to the hospital. When the radiologist came to Vanie with the results of her daughters X-ray she was shocked to discover that a vertebrate in her daughter’s upper spine had been broken, causing the protrusion in her upper back. The damage done to her spine had taken away her ability to walk and she was unable to hold herself upright.

The radiologist told Vanie that there was nothing they could do for her daughter, that Chadnitha needed immediate surgery. The radiologist also expressed that they did not have the means to perform such a task there in the hospital due to an overflow of patients. With a hopeful heart, Vanie went back to New Beginnings Clinic hoping the doctors there would be able to help. When she arrived back at the clinic Doc took a look at the X-ray and said that there was nothing they could do for her daughter at the clinic. He immediately informed her that there was a bus from YWAM leaving for an orphanage in Port-Au-Prince that Wednesday morning and would be able to drop them off at the University of Miami mobile hospital in Port-Au-Prince. On Wednesday morning, Vanie and her daughter boarded the bus with Doc, myself and a few others. The bus then began its journey to Port Au Prince. During the drive Doc sat himself next to Chadnitha as she lay in her mother’s lap. He placed his hands gently on her chest and forehead and began to pray. As he was praying he felt a sudden pop in her chest. At that moment he was unsure about what had happened, so he continued praying before moving back to his seat.

A couple hours later the bus arrived to Port-Au-Prince. Once we pulled up to the gate of the U.S. Military base where the hospital was, our driver spoke to security and they waved us in. The bus pulled up alongside a medical tent and Doc stepped off to meet with a neurologist just outside the bus. After reviewing the X-rays, the neurologist told Doc with sincere and frustrated words: “The surgery cannot be done. We have been turning away almost all cases needing surgery due to the high risk of infection, which could then make things worse.” He handed the x-ray back to Doc and dreadfully said “I am sorry, but there is nothing we can do for her, the only thing that can save her now is a miracle.” When everyone on the bus heard those words, a long pause of silence filled the air and the sound of sniffling and sobbing could be heard from Vanie’s seat. The hope of her daughter being able to walk again and be normal had been crushed. A sense of hopelessness lingered in the bus as it started up and began its journey back into the city.

I remember sitting in my seat thinking to myself, “This is unreal, this can’t be happening to them.” I continued to stare out my window muttering prayers to God, hoping to hold back my tears. As we made our way through the city, the bus remained silent as though we all suffered a loss. The bus approached the orphanage where a few volunteers were waiting to be picked up. We entered through the gate and parked the bus. Freeman, our driver and staff member with YWAM Saint-Marc gave us an hour to eat and stretch before heading back onto the road.

While we were resting, Vanie and one of the nurses who was on the bus with us took Chadnitha to the restroom to get her cleaned up. While they were in the restroom they noticed that Chadnitha had moved her foot, but were unsure in their disbelief. Meanwhile, the rest of us were regrouping and starting to load the bus with luggage. When Vanie and the nurse returned to the bus they placed Chadnitha in her seat and shared their experience with Doc. Doc then knelt down beside Chadnitha and in French asked her if she could move her foot, but she couldn’t. So Doc, the faithful intercessor that he is, called us all to gather around this young girl and pray for her. Some climbed into the bus to lay hands on her and others gathered outside the bus to lay hands on her through the window. As we prayed and prayed for Chadnitha to be healed, Doc noticed one of her feet started to move. “Her feet, they’re moving! Keep praying, keep praying!” Doc shouted with excitement.

After about twenty minutes of prayer Doc continued asking Chadnitha to move her feet. As Doc crouched beside her with everyone watching and anxiously waiting, she began to move her left foot … and then her right. As I watched this girl, recently paralyzed, begin to move her feet, I couldn’t help but stand in awe and amazement. I was dumb-founded as God answered our prayers before our very eyes.

Doc then decided to bring her outside and try to have her sit in a chair to lift her legs. When Doc placed her in the chair she sat herself straight up, as if there wasn’t any pain in her back at all! A large gasp swept across the crowd. While she was sitting she was able to raise her right leg and with encouragement from her mother was able to raise her left. She continued that pattern a couple more times. When Doc was convinced that she was regaining movement in both legs he asked Shawn, a volunteer from Hawaii, to help her stand up. With the help of Shawn she was able to stand up and walk. She took a few steps forward without showing any pain. Since her muscles had grown weak over the past nine weeks she was unable to stand for very long. The emotion of such a miracle hit everyone in different ways. Some cried, a few chuckled with joy and others shouted out to God giving thanks. Vanie stood there with tears in her eyes as she watched her daughter take steps she thought she would not see again. As the emotion settled and time was becoming a constraint we climbed into the bus and began our journey back to Saint-Marc.

Vanie and Chadnitha are now living at New Beginnings Clinic in a hoop home tent just outside the clinic. Chadnitha now has a physical therapist who is working with her daily to help rebuild the muscle tissue in her legs. She carries a smile just like any other child. Vanie’s other children are living with her aunt in Saint-Marc.

The prayers of the righteous avail much. God had heard the call of His children and responded with a miracle, a miracle that is continuing to grow and is restoring hope and strength to a family that have literally lost everything.

“…I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and He will grant your request because you use my name…ask using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy”. –Jesus Christ (John 16:23-24)

red sea - be fearless; be still

"(NKJV) and when Pharaoh drew near, the children of israel lifted their eyes, and behold, the egyptians marched after them. so they were very afraid, and the children of israel cried out to the Lord. they they said to Moses: "(NLT) why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? weren't there enough graves for us in egypt? what have you done to us? why did you make us leave egypt? didn't we tell you this would happen while we were still in egypt? we said 'leave us alone! let us be slaves to the egyptians. it's better to be a slave in egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!' but Moses told the people "don't be afraid. just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. the egyptians you see today will never be seen again. the Lord himself will fight for you. just stay calm." --Exodus 14:10-14

WOW! talk about powerful scripture! so many interchanges and emotions can be felt in this passage, and it likely should've been split into several. for the sake of continuity and for parallels between these verses, i feel led to jump in the deep end, head first; with my bible as my floaty wings of course. this post may be a few days in the making, so take heart and patience please! i'll let you know once i reach a 'c'est finis' moment.

first note: God's children were scared. not just scared, they were flat out terrified for their lives! they we're thinking, "welp, this is it! here i am; to die in the desert!" confused about why they had to come so far from home in an effort to flea if they were just going to be scrapped anyway, they doubted the Lord in their fear. in the first verses of chapter 14 we learn that the Lord told Moses where to lead the israelites, and in verse 4 we are told that the israelites camped there as they were told to do so. even when the Lord had said something, flat out and directly to His chosen people, they still doubted the Lord. they still had fear. fear pollutes the Bible far too often in the presence of the enemy. how many times did Joshua have to be reminded "do not be afraid, for the Lord is with you" before it finally sank in? and if fear wasn't a problem in post-jesus society, why does Paul warn against it so often in his epistles? in a recent search on youversion.com (my bible of choice; its incred! DL the app for iPhone!), i typed in the keyword "fear" and the search yeileded 465 results! fear is mentioned in the Bible 465 times!!! we could read one verse a day about fear every day for a year and still have ONE HUNDRED left!! let's face it: in our own flesh, there is so much to be fearful of. the enemy uses lies to deceive us. deceit turns to doubt, doubt turns to worry, worry turns to fear, and fear gives room for the enemy to put us in a stronghold that is against the promise and perfect plan of the Lord. the only fear that the Bible condones is a fear in the Lord; which the word in hebrew actually means a reverent obedience.

but the israelites, despite their word from the Lord, lost faith and found themselves in fear. in verse 15, the Lord goes on to rebuke them, saying to Moses, "why are you crying out to me? tell the people to get moving!" talk about a stern word from the Lord. He didn't coddle them when they cried out; as sometimes we find ourselves in painful, fearful situations and we don't feel the Lord's comfort in them. Our Father is a loving, merciful, graceful, and faithful Lord; however, we were never promised He would always be gentle with our requests and never hurt our feelings. He is our Father; He disciplines His children when needed. "my child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when he corrects you, for the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." (--Proverbs 3:11-12) Although this situation may not look like a swift, stern hand on the hiney, God certainly didn't pay their cries anymore mind than essentially saying, 'get over yourself and get moving!' God already gave them the word; and we are told that they had already begun to DO AS THEY WERE TOLD.

in our flesh, we are so quick to forget the word the Lord has given us regarding our paths-- no, no. HIS paths for our lives. we get distracted; typically by fear and worry. we began to see how our circumstances don't often reflect the vision we had. we encounter hurdles and we are the first to forget what the Lord has already done. We forget that the Lord is faithful; and that more often than not, what we thought His road would look like is so far from reality that we question His faithfulness solely because we don't see what He has. we don't have His eyes. we see opposition and we forget His promise to get us through it.

i just wish we would see how dangerous this is!!!!! the enemy is all over that! he knows that he doesn't even have to hurt us (don't think that means that he won't or doesn't care to!); he just has to scare us. the enemy just has to get us to take our eyes off the Lord for one second, to doubt Him in His faithfulness, to become distracted from His promise, and BAM! we are left flailing and doubting that He ever gave us the Word in the first place!

"He will cover you with his feathers, He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." (--Psalm 91:4 ) we need to rest assure in the Lord's promise; as it is faithful and it is what guards us from the enemy. the second we take off that armor, we are subject to attack from the enemy. he knows we are susceptible to lies and doubt and fear when we begin to forget what the Lord has promised us.

in our personal lives, that can be across the board anywhere. it can come in the form of persuasion, for or against, by anyone other than the Lord, including ourselves. i know i put myself out there in a huge way in admitting that allowing ourselves or others to persuade us one way or another is like a secret entry for the enemy; but why not? in that, we reveal what is most important to us, and if it is anything other than the Lord, the enemy will distract us and discourage us with it.

although volume-wise, that covers the majority of quantity of the verse, small packages often pack the biggest punch! in the next verse, we see that moses stood firm in the Lord's promise, reminding his people to not be afraid and to be still and allow the Lord to fight for them. what fresh revelation!! first off, moses stood firm in the Lord promise!!!! finally, someone gets it right (don't worry, we'll be back to getting it all messed up on our own before too long)! most importantly, we are reminded, again "don't be afraid!" and why not?! as Romans 8:31 reminds us, "For if God is for us, who can be against us?"

seriously. i can't get over the Lord's faithfulness in this! I am giddy in God's goodness! i hope you'll allow me to take a moment to just soak in the provision of HIM!! :) (Christina, this is for YOU to soak in, too! as i know you're like, the only one reading this!)

"just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today" v. 13

how hard of a concept is that: to "just" stand still?! i can't count the innumerable times the Lord has either asked me, or forced me, to sit still and to wait upon Him. i feel as if currently, i am right in the midst of a time in which i thought i was done waiting; i thought Haiti was the answer to the wait. now, i'm feeling as if the Lord is saying THIS is the preparation for the real work. THIS is the time i am to be still. he forced me through it priorly, but now, he's asking me to wait. waiting is hard. we don't like to wait. i've blogged on this before: our culture is more, and NOW. we are all about immediate gratification, and waiting is anything but our strong point. BUT, even in recent days that i've heard the Lord say wait, i've been able to be obedient to that, and His faithfulness is so overwhelming to me! i know there is so much that He is asking me to wait on, and let me tell you: t-o-u-g-h! BUT so worth it!!

so, in your stillness, i challenge you to let the Lord rescue you today! in whatever situation, in whatever circumstance. even in light of goodness and righteousness, allow Him to completely rapture your heart! as women, we desire to be rescued, captivated, and fought for. i think this verse speaks so deeply to us especially. we have been blessed with a supernatural ability to be patient: as moms, teachers, wives, single women. but as we seek that in man, we need to first seek and be satisfied in that in the Lord. His word here tells us that He WILL rescue us. that He WILL fight, for US! FOR us! In leaving worship tonight (this has been a multi-moment entry over the past few days), i am reminded how the Lord rescues us from our sin, from our past, from our flesh. and He fights for us, in the spiritual realm, when we declare His blood and its reign over our lives. we must be so content in the Lord, so confident in His rescue.

***

after meeting with the Lord tonight, unified together, haitian and blanc, i see that this is what the Lord has for me. this type of culture, unified in faith and purpose. not only right now, but permanently. i'm ruined for the ordinary. there is no return for normalcy. God is working in magnificent ways, and all He has said is wait, and do not be afraid. so, i am fearless and i am still. and the Lord is far far far too good for my own comprehension.

the glories are His

isaiah 26:8 Lord , we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our heart's desire is to glorify your name. (NLT)

Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for you; the desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You. (NKJV)

just a fresh reminder of what I already read this morning; that we are to obey and wait and align our desires with God's so as to glorify Him.

red sea - overlooking the read-betweens

"and the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of fire to give them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people." --Exodus 13:21-22

initially, i skipped over this verse. its already a challenge for me to absorb the old testament, but pillars of light and cloud? i can't even fathom it enough to begin to clearly see in my head an image of those times in the wilderness. also, this verse seems much more like a visual aid than anything revealing about the Lord. but after a second, third and fourth read-thru, i see how this verse could be totally essential to the story as a whole. perhaps, more pertinent to my personal life, as today i'm really struggling with discouragement and my own inadequacies (Praise Him for His grace and mercy, that i'm not expected to be perfect in order to be pleasing to Him; i'm only expected to be obedient and to bring Him glory with every thought, word, action, and reaction!). let me explain.

set the scene: God has finally allowed the israelites to be released by pharaoh, but in His perfect timing and plan, led them a roundabout way through the wilderness. tired, cranky, and possibly over it already; the israelites were in search of an exit, and the egyptians were about to be hot on their heels in pursuit. but imagine this: not only having a faith to know that God has gone before you and carved the way, but also, having proof in the clouds and with fire, so that they are never alone, never in the dark, and always under the favor and path of the Lord.

i find these small, odd verses so comforting. perhaps the most integral piece of this puzzle is this: the Lord went before them. whenever we are on the path that the Lord has directed, He not only is with us, but He has gone BEFORE us! like setting up for a big surprise party, in which we may not know the details, but God has everything under control: from the caterer to the floral arrangements, from the reception hall to the DJ down to the detailed table settings and monogrammed napkins. God has it all worked out, because before we arrive, He has already been there.

often times, i find myself wondering if the Lord is still able to work in the ways that He did during the times of Moses and such. and I am dually comforted and assured that, indeed, He does: Hebrews tells us that He is the same, yesterday, today, and always. i love serving a God that is consistent! could you imagine if He changed His mind about us as often as we change our mood? what if He was feeling subjective one day, and decided that this persons good works in his own strength was enough to allow them into the Kingdom of Heaven, but one believers failures were enough to keep him out? what if the Lord operated under the same burn of emotion that we often allow to dictate how we respond to others, treat others, or even take advantage of them? i'm disgusted at my own flesh in moments like that and PRAISE HIM for being ever-constant, unchanging, faithful and stern even in light of His mercy and grace.

as long as we are following the way of the Lord, He gives us pillars of light to follow when it's dark. we are never alone. using His word, others' encouragement, and His leading voice, we are able to discern and to know that we are on the right path. like the israelites, we may not know where that path is leading us at times, but we do have the faithful assurance of God that He has gone before and will never leave us.

"call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know" --Jeremiah 33:3

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:14

this morning at intercession, i was broken before the Lord. i came tired, distracted, and not well-prepared for the week. in an attempt at transparency with God, which i believe were called to, I just gave Him my heart and my plans and my failures and weakness. in one moment's time, all off the emotion that the Lord has graciously warded off since my arrival 15 days ago came pouring over me; and in that moment, Christ in me was battling the enemy and a spirit of discouragement that was trying to sneak in through my weakness. i broke down, so discouraged at realizing how much work there is yet to be done in me. how far i am from being the woman so passionately wrapped up in the Lord alone that He has called me to be. i'm still wading through, trying to discern how much of that is truth of inadequacies and failures of the flesh, and how much of that is the enemy trying to deceive me to further distract me from what God is doing.

for two hours, tears have streamed down my face, throughout all of morning worship, the between time, and throughout circle time and prayer with the children this morning. i'm torn by emotions, but distractions; i feel as if my own concerns and my desires of the heart are often leading me, instead of just fully letting the Lord lead them. i was broken for seeking the approval of man through serving; and i'm torn. because i know that the Lord calls us to love and to serve one another, and i am so thankful and blessed for His merciful cultivation of that characteristic in creating me. and i find myself serving others because i really do like to, and know God has called us to this. so i struggle when i find myself caught in the serving so that people are pleased, not solely so that the Lord is pleased. how wrong is that? it really broke me this morning and i've been repenting and asking the Lord to fully restore a heart that seeks to serve Him, and serve others by serving Him, and serving Him by serving others.

i'm also broken because i know i am in a stage of preparation; for something, i'm not sure as to what. i know, and others here have declared in the Lord, that God is going to do big big things in my life, and He's about to wreck it (in a great way) with His plans for me. but i'm having trouble discerning those. i'm struggling with seeing what God has and what I want. its a constant battle to align my path with His, when His is what i ultimately want, but i can't see what it is yet.

so, on my recess break with the kids today, Jenna told me to go have a good quiet time, and here i am. collecting my thoughts before the Lord, battling the discouragement of the enemy, trying to utilize my weakness and how i was created to get in and infiltrate my thoughts with lies and deceit. i opened my Bible, asking the Lord to give me a verse to remind me of my Promises in Him. and I opened to a double-highlighted verse in Jeremiah, with Psalm 27:14 written on an index card holding that place. both verses are wonderful reminders of God's goodness, and His promise to reveal His plans to me. so, i declare patience in His name. i declare encouragement in His name. i declare strength in His name. and i declare the Living Victory of His blood, in my life; that He WILL answer me. He WILL show me great and mighty things, which i so desperately seek but have yet to come to know.

thank you Father for your fresh revelation of Your goodness.

red sea - taking the long road

"When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, "If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle." -Exodus 13:17-18 NLT

Even in the 12 hours since I last read this passage, even more speaks to me from it. I love how the Lord's Word does that; with fresh revelation each time we read.

First, God did not allow the Israelites, His chosen people, to get to where they were going quickly. He did not allow them to take the main road, or the short cut. Biblically speaking, the main road is the road that many follow. But it is also the road that leads to destruction. Proverbs says that "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death," (16:25) and Matthew 7:13-14 tells us that "Wide is the road that leads to destruction, and many follow it." It is clear that the main road can seem, or even be, good at times. But often times, just going with the flow of traffic because it is easier is not pleasing to the Lord. God not only saw fit that His people not travel it, but he actually prevented them from doing so. Shortest doesn't necessarily translate to safest. And in this case, the Lord intervened and saw to it that the Israelites didn't even have the opportunity to deviate from His will.

The Lord also lead the Israelites into the wilderness to prepare them: "If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." Rather than allow them to be tempted with taking the easy way out, God forced them into a route that didn't allow them to nonchalantly bow out gracefully when the going got tough. How often do we look for the exit sign and run when we are faced with an obstacle that seems impossible for us to overcome? We are quick to even slap God's name on it and say that He's the one that closed the door or removed the opportunity before we even begin to pray about it or humbly petition the Lord God to move mountains in our favor.

The crazy thing here: God knew that in our flesh, we run at the sight of trouble. On our own, we are unable to withstand even the smallest trial or one that is seemingly impossible. It is only through Christ that we find out strength. "For my power is made perfect in weakness." (1 Cor. 12:10). The Lord was well aware of our sinfulness and our inability to often times rise to the occasion that the He has called us to. So, as preparation for their faith and revelation of His power, God led them into the wilderness off the beaten path.

When one of my pre-schoolers decided to make his playground revenge in the bathroom by relieving himself on one of the kindergarteners today, I was definitely ready to make my return to Egypt. Call the next taxi, book my ticket, I am headed home, and stat. Today was a definite challenge. I was hit with doubtful thoughts that reminded me how I've never witnessed such unruliness in a classroom back in the states. It was my most frustrating of days here in Haiti, and I was left praying just for the Lord to get me through it. Had I been on a the main road and not in the wilderness, how easy it would've been to throw in the towel and seek out another class? Maybe not as realistic, but definitely a huge temptation when things were as uproarious and unproductive as today was. But somehow, in my weakness, God's power is perfected. He strengthens me. He teaches me. He leads me to my destination, no matter how rough the terrain may become.

"So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness towards the Red Sea." Ever been at a place in your life where you could clearly see the destination, the desires of your heart, even those confirmed by God, only to find that the directions failed to include detours, road closings, and major construction zones? I chuckle at the thought of it; finding myself following the Lord's steps and seeing how off my path was from His (Proverbs 16:9) even with the same thing in sight.

Finding myself in Haiti seems a lot like a roundabout way through the wilderness to get to the Red Sea. Definitely not the main road I imagined taking to my dreams. I wonder if this is what the Israelites felt like. Did they meet the journey with confidence in the Lord, or did they question 'Why, God? That road is shorter!' Did they feel prepared before they got to the wilderness, or were they left clinging to the Lord out of fear and desperation? Would they have had sleepless nights in their makeshift tents, or were they so assured that in any-which-way, this was the Lord, fulfilling His promise to Moses that He would successfully lead them out of Egypt.

Do we realize that we are God's chosen people? The one's whom He has lived and died for? That the blood shed at the Red Sea at the deliverance of the Israelites is parallel to the blood shed on the cross for our own deliverance into the Promised Land? "Thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord," (1 Cor. 15:56).

I feel like that is a good ending point, but there is one last thing I gleaned from reading in between the verses in this small passage: God genuinely cares for His people. I could cite a million verses about this, but I'll try to refrain and limit it to only a few. As our Creator, He knows our flesh and our minds; so he carved out a path in the wilderness to keep us on His. As our protector, He leads us on a path of least resistance, so that we'd be safe from the Egyptian army, as well as from our own fleshly desire to run. As our Father, He prepares us and disciplines us for the season. As our Lord, He is faithful and powerful and awesome.

And as our savior, He ultimately delivered us to the Promised Land.

red sea - intro

"when pharoah finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land ... So God lef them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea." Exodus 13:17-18

" ... I have planned this in order to display my glory ... " - Exodus 14:4

"They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us out her to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us? why did you make us leave? . . . But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today . . . The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Excerpted from Exodus 14:10-14

"Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground . . . My great glory will be displayed . . . and all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!" Excerpted from Exodus 14:15-18

"Then Moses raised his hand over the sea, and the Lord opened up a path through the water with a strong east wind. The wind blew all that night, turning the seabed into dry land. So the people of Israel walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, with walls of water on each side!" Exodus 14:21-22

"When all the Israelites had reached the other side, the Lord said to Moses, "Raise your hand over the sea again. Then the waters will rush back and cover the Egyptians and their chariots and charioteers. So as the sun began to rise, Moses raised his hand over the sea and the water rushed back into its usual place . . . Of all the Egyptian who had chased the Israelities into the sea, not a single one survived. But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides. That is how the Lord rescued Israel from the hand of the Egyptians that day . . . When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord and in his servant Moses." Exodus 14:26-31

okay ya'll. i seriously feel like beth moore must feel when the Lord has placed a new study on her heart. I'm overwhelmed by the awe-someness, power, and love of the Lord right now. I'm sitting in the front room at the YWAM St. Marc base. The cool of the night is passing through the wrought iron gate that serves as the front door, and it is welcomed after a week of heat. The acoustics in this concrete concave are prime for Ben's voice as he worships the Lord with his voice and guitar (which, is actually past tense, because the Lord drew me into a sweet time in worship with him as I sat here typing; He's too good and I just had to indulge in singing His praises). The generator keeps the lights at a steady dim, and the sounds of Haiti are just over my shoulder as the moon and sun trade places for another night here on the island.

In this moment, I am absolutely enamored by the Lord. But His provision, His faithfulness, His glory. I am so satisfied with sitting in this room humbly bringing Him praise for the duration of my journey and not lifting a finger to do anything else. I want to cry with the joy of just being satisfied in the Lord. I'm humbled by how rare this feeling seems to come. Full satisfaction in the Lord? I'm ashamed at how little we find ourselves (or maybe its just me), completely at a loss for words for how good He is and how deserving of praise.

at Sunday's Creole/English church service in the arena, I had one of those moments (we'll several of them, but one in particular) in which I felt a challenge to delve into scripture and read between the lines a bit. I wish I would've written this all down on Sunday night, rather than wait to lose the freshness of it; but that is my own poor stewardship. I just had a vision of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, and thought about the ramifications of that. What must that have been like? Could you imagine their faith? Talk about God showing up in a big way. Then I got to thinking about what the people must have been thinking, seeing a mighty wave of water on ither side of them, having faith that God wouldn't let it crash down upon them.

as much as i want to write all of this out in one, intense blog, I think it is best for me to make it into 4 or 5 separate entries. So please be patient with me as i write and post them all. For someone like me who really struggles with the Old Testament as much as I did with history in high school and college, I find moments like this very rare, yet exciting; moments of intensity represented by quite the opposite reaction than I would typically have. I find it difficult to draw as much applicability from the Old Testament and get lost in the lines of lineage (redundant?) and the who-begot-who's. But this story, of the Exodus, truly ignited a spark in my heart for the Word, and how God speaks through it.

and so, it begins. the journey of the red sea.

(Please forgive the double posting; its necessary for continuity in my opinion :P)

red sea .... will have to wait because jesus just rocked my face off.

"when pharoah finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land ... So God lef them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea." Exodus 13:17-18

" ... I have planned this in order to display my glory ... " - Exodus 14:4

"They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us out her to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us? why did you make us leave? . . . But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today . . . The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Excerpted from Exodus 14:10-14

"Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground . . . My great glory will be displayed . . . and all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!" Excerpted from Exodus 14:15-18

"Then Moses raised his hand over the sea, and the Lord opened up a path through the water with a strong east wind. The wind blew all that night, turning the seabed into dry land. So the people of Israel walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, with walls of water on each side!" Exodus 14:21-22

"When all the Israelites had reached the other side, the Lord said to Moses, "Raise your hand over the sea again. Then the waters will rush back and cover the Egyptians and their chariots and charioteers. So as the sun began to rise, Moses raised his hand over the sea and the water rushed back into its usual place . . . Of all the Egyptian who had chased the Israelities into the sea, not a single one survived. But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides. That is how the Lord rescued Israel from the hand of the Egyptians that day . . . When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord and in his servant Moses." Exodus 14:26-31

okay ya'll. i seriously feel like beth moore must feel when the Lord has placed a new study on her heart. I'm overwhelmed by the awe-someness, power, and love of the Lord right now. I'm sitting in the front room at the YWAM St. Marc base. The cool of the night is passing through the wrought iron gate that serves as the front door, and it is welcomed after a week of heat. The acoustics in this concrete concave are prime for Ben's voice as he worships the Lord with his voice and guitar (which, is actually past tense, because the Lord drew me into a sweet time in worship with him as I sat here typing; He's too good and I just had to indulge in singing His praises). The generator keeps the lights at a steady dim, and the sounds of Haiti are just over my shoulder as the moon and sun trade places for another night here on the island.

In this moment, I am absolutely enamored by the Lord. But His provision, His faithfulness, His glory. I am so satisfied with sitting in this room humbly bringing Him praise for the duration of my journey and not lifting a finger to do anything else. I want to cry with the joy of just being satisfied in the Lord. I'm humbled by how rare this feeling seems to come. Full satisfaction in the Lord? I'm ashamed at how little we find ourselves (or maybe its just me), completely at a loss for words for how good He is and how deserving of praise.

***

(will have to finish later. sat in on the alabama team meeting which turned into a passionate worship and prayer service in which God showed up in a massive, incredible, awe-inspiring way. which means, i'll have to journal about that, too. so, expect like 5 entries by this weekend. unfortunately, i have lunch duty with the kinders tomorrow, followed by a mtg at 3:30, dinner at 5:30, and ladies group at 7-9. Busy day, but it will be committed to the Lord and lived through His strength.)

Be blessed.

***

so, at the last keystroke of that sentence, i joined in on a worship meeting that had commenced in the very room i was in. i had also been instant messaging with Christina, and in a moment which she probably needed comfort of a friend, i was insensitive, perhaps; but just couldn't not partake in what was about to happen in that room. for an hour and twenty minutes, we were immersed in passionate praise and purest prayer. God's presence was heavily felt by everyone in the room. victory was declared over the enemy in Haiti. we were up in arms; we we're on our knees. finding ourselves in brokenness, selfishness, or even in an attempt to do things on our own strength humbly brought us to tears in front of the Lord. and so did His mercy and grace and redemptive freedom. what started as a team meeting for the group from birmingham, ended as a gathering of many; all in the name of Christ, seeking to be merely a vessel of His spirit to those in need in Haiti. It is not out of our own strength. We are not merely relief workers. We are not even just here as an act of obedience, or service, or passion. We are here to glorify the Lord and to make His love known. Everything we do, every thought, every action, every reaction; it must be about Him. For Him, and yet, through Him.

I wish I could convey the power of the Lord felt in that room tonight, and I wish moments like that were more present in every-day-life. it definitely rocked my face off. there, i had come, excited and ravenous for His word, devouring it faster than a fried plantain. there i sat, already hit with such fresh revelation from the scripture when He said, "Come. Join me here. Worship me here." eager to finally blog (internet is a precious commodity, and non-existent on the opposite side of campus, so bed-time blogging is a no-go), and eager to be in the Lords word, and eager to be talking to Christina, the moment caught me off-guard. i am so thankful i listened when he called.

***

today. wow.

intercession @ 7-8.

school - circle time, nearly made me cry. almost had an overwhelming moment, but God is a God who provides, comforts and protects. He also reminds you of your purpose, and how you must trust in Him alone. AMEN.

the kids: angels today. a little frustrating during math, but SO good the rest of the day!

great convo with Bryan at lunch - will be a blog update soon.

jenna and i got planned for the week!

spent majority of afternoon pre- and post-dinner warring with the internet. 90% of the time just waiting for it to load, and reload, and reload, and ... you get it.

served at dinner; new team tonight. found out a girl on the Auburn team went to Manatee and was born and raised in Bradenton!!!

did clean up; then more internet woes.

talked to christina for an amazing amount of time. hilarious and refreshing conversation. i love her and how the Lord is still using her broken spirit to bring me such joy.

talked to james. hopefully got to speak some encouragement into his heart.

had an amazing, open, vulnerable, and deep-friendship cultivating conversation with jaysen and mike. seriously, these guys are great. such spiritual maturity and sound truth spoken. warred in prayer together, it was ROCKIN'.

prayed over zach as he leaves tomorrow. God continue to work in Him; may he be steadfast in seeking You and your will.

i'm exhausted and hate to post with such little detail, but i just want to say, Glory to God, for He works all things together for the good of those who love him. and i'm so in love with Him.

choosing to be passionate instead of passive,

xoxo

premier semaine

a week ago tonight, i was putting sheets on my bed and getting accustomed to sleeping under a mosquito net. i was meeting new people and learning new stories, and actually freezing during that nights sleep. well, some things have changed.

i spent my anniversary day in all of its sunday glory. today; today was a good day.

woke up this morning around 6, not even with an alarm, but laid here and forced myself to stay in bed til 8. went down for a wonderful breakfast of grits, pancakes and bananas. worked on trying to get the internet to load/print ... again. and then we loaded up the van and headed north. to the fort!

freeman took us all tap-tap (taxi truck) style in the back of the pick-up and dropped us at the base of the mountain/hill. it was a huge group of us: me, bryan, dave, joshua, molly, amy, karen (nurse at the clinic), grace (nurse here with mercy ships), ben (french guy - YWAM LA), andy (from seattle, not current YWAM), shane (hawaii YWAM), zach (on DTS here) ... i think that about covers it.

okay ya'll: if you understood the severity of my sunburn from yesterday, you'd understand my reasoning in wearing a long sleeved shirt (rolled up, and it was a vented colu

mbia shirt) in spite of hiking in 95 degree heat. yeah, i know. it sounded like a much better idea at the time. but it did actually work out sunbrun wise.

however, a combination of the sugary goodness that was breakfast and the heat totally got to me, and i nearly had a heat stroke. i don't think i have ever been so hot in my life. i thought i was going to throw up, and almost did. i had to stop a few times, and i felt so bad for the rest of the people that were staying back with me; i hate attention like that, that detracts from what they are doing. luckily, mama karen was watching out for me, and gave me an ice pack for the back of my neck and kept a quick eye on me after we made it to the fort, forcing water, crackers, and hot-shot electrolytes on me, in the shade, the entire time.

i did manage to get a few great pictures that really captured the awe and beauty of this place. it was unreal how gorgeous it was; how turquoise the water, how steep the incline. seriously, something you have to take in for yourself because these pictures can't even begin to do it justice!

the hike down was cake, despite its rocky and slick dusty declines. once we made it down to the road, we hung out for a while waiting on freeman. joshua and i went across the street to this little girl that had been screaming "blanc! blanc! (white)" for about 30 minutes. she shied away, but had brought half the neighborhood with her cries. managed to get one great shot; you know, the shot you take the trip for. this is it, un-edited.

the rest of the day was spent recovering in the pool with everyone (AMAZING!), playing 500 (and trying to stay as far from the likes of bryan, andy, and karen as possible! they are relentless!) and taking a football straight to the face. took a cold shower (should go without saying), and snuck in a 20 minute nap before 4:30 dinner. after dinner, i got to make a phone call before church at 6, and dang. the service rocked. i wish i could be more descriptive, but it was so good, and it is so late. (read: i am falling asleep as i type!) jeremiah 29:11 was the springboard verse for the message tonight and it just reminds me that this, me being here, is part of the Lord's plan for my life. its encouraging and refreshing knowing that, and also knowing that it is part of the plan that works in others lives. thats powerful stuff right there.

after church, we went out for andy and tiffany's last night. ku phai (spelling? word? no clue) was closed, so we went to ... epi-d'or ... again ... this weekend. but it was a good time had by all (tiff, andy, reanna, bryan, dave, amy, molly, karen, joshua, jaysen, edward, ben, and phillipson (i made him promise not to get sick again!)

i'm sad that i'm going to start seeing people leave. i hate cultivating relationships just to never see them flourish. c'est la vie; ne pas finis.