i finally got a response to my emails that i sent on thursday to ywam. okay, their busy, it's haiti, internet might not be stable, i get it. but this is sort of time sensitive.
then they tell me that they never received my application, which was split into two emails. there's no way that the emails never made it to their inbox. overlooked, maybe. accidently deleted, okay. but i sent them. and resent them with their time stamp, today.
then, very contrary to the initial email with the expenses, she told me there was an additional $300 MONTHLY staff fee that we hadn't discussed. thats an additional $1200 that i have no idea how i'm going to come up with, considering i still have yet to get close to my original goal of $3000. now i have to aim for $4200?!
if i was living here, my expenses would be about that much. and i would be making $3,000 a month as a teacher, which to a post-grad, its like becoming a millionaire.
but i can't let all of that get in the way of what it is i'm going to do. what it is i feel called to do. was there a contingency clause on God's plan saying go to haiti, as long as it seems reasonably inexpensive. no. i wish there was, but there wasn't. this call was to go and to give up comfort, to make sacrifices, and to really trust that this is what God has for me, and He's going to provide. i'm getting straight up discouraged through my frustration right now; but, i feel like its justified.
and i don't want to. i want to be able to say God will provide, and i just need to chill out. but when you so badly want to be justified about something, you don't want to chill out. you want to vent and type furiously. so please pray with me that i don't let this discourage me. that i still trust solely in the Lord to provide in excess of what i was already believing Him for, and that God is able to calm my frustrations and replace it with the excitement that was there just moments before reading that email.
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