dreaming in faith

so in reading my book, what happens when women walk in faith by lysa terkeurst, she challenges women to leave their past and old identity, to walk in obedience with the Lord, towards the realization of their God-given dreams. and i'm feeling challenged reading this (which is what books should do). i've read it (well, most of it) before, and i feel as if much of where i am at shows semblance to the first 4 of 5 stages (we'll get into all of that at a later, more profound date). but my big hang-up is what is my dream? i feel like my goals, my purpose, my dream changes as often as my tummy issues here in haiti.

my ultimate dream is becoming a wife and mother, and raising a Godly family; with a gorgeous kitchen for entertaining and being generous with my hospitality. but what other dreams reside in me? what have i heard from God on?

well, for starters, i guess another ultimate purpose (or dream, or whatev you wanna deem it), would be teacher training and resource summer workshops with untrained teachers in developing nations. but i feel like that is still a long way off from realization, which is okay with me. and i definitely feel like my experience in haiti has helped hone in on that vision and give its fleshless structure bones.

other days, my smaller dreams are a little more radical. designing and making clothes and shoes a la anthropologie-style. becoming zumba-certified and teaching zumba fitness classes. writing a devotional a la beth moore style. creating, photographing and publishing a cookbook a la martha stewart. following humanitarian photography a la j. cowart style.

not to mention, actually getting a job teaching, you know, using that $25,000 piece of paper i've got saved as a PDF on my adequate, yet slowly dying macbook.

but, who has time for all that, AND being a wife and mother?! who has a threshold to do ALL of that? infinite finances? the ability to go for weeks without a wink of sleep? the patience and balance to do all of those seemingly different and difficult tasks, at once? or even in one life!?

and where in that is truth and reality, and where is satan's lies and discouragement to keep me from attaining my dreams and giving God the glory?

afterall, anthro is so refined and tres chic. i could never produce their quality and their unique look, on my singer, at home. teach fitness class? i can barely run a mile. not to mention, i've consumed brownies, potatoes, and a coke today. sounds inspiring to me. beth moore?! she's like one step below Jesus, just above the Pope and Billy Graham. and who am i, with what insight and what diligence to write a devo? i can't even finish one i'm reading. a cookbook? i messed up plain pasta and boxed brownies. and lets not even compare me with J. Cowart. that's like seeing a garageband hit as number one on itunes.

does choosing a dream require more attention than choosing a major? i thought that was the hardest thing i would have to do and live with. and who says you have to just choose one?

and now, i'm in Haiti. teaching kindergarten. for free, for the Lord. was this a fulfillment of a dream? absolutely. three of them actually: becoming a missionary. living abroad. being a teacher. but rather than a simple checkmark on a list of things to do (or three, thank-you), its about fulfilling a calling, for this season. For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable (Romans 11:29).

and where in these dreams, callings, whatever have you-- where do i find if they are God-given, or self-seeking? if i give God the glory, does that mean they are okay to pursue? is it foolish to want to sew joyfully for hours? to create a custom cookbook in my own kitchen, covered in flour and sugar ants and is visibly lived in? what if my talents could really be used to bless others? is that when i can chase them down?

what are your dreams? your passions? your callings? i'd love to hear some of them, especially the more obscure ones! :)