if i wasn't sure of this decision before, you have definitely done your part to make me feel confident and excited to go. i am really blessed to have the community of people rally around me in support that i do. the words of encouragement have done just that. this is definitely a really scary thing for me to do right now, and something that is going to rip away every comfort i know; especially the one i've come to need the most-- comfort from community.
i'm terrified to go and feel so alone, as i'm sure i'm going to experience. but with the way ya'll have already been supporting me, i know i'm not going this alone. thank you for your outpouring of love and kind words. just knowing i have your thoughts and prayers behind me on this journey has already made such a difference in my level of confidence.
i'll admit, sending that support letter just 24 hours ago made this began to feel real. i'm really doing this; i'm really telling people about this. i'm really starting to raise support. i'm really booking my tickets. i can't believe it.
but even the God-centered-ness i notice consuming every conversation started asking me about the journey reminds me both why and how i'm even able to do this.
***
i just came home from a really great night in nashville with good friends, and i'm reminded just how much i am going to miss nashville and my life here. although with all the life changes i've undergone since the new year set in, i still know i am going to miss whatever semblance of contentment, comfort, and constancy has managed to remain. when God strips you bare, He really does do the whole job. i'm not sure if i'm glad for that.
i know how bad all the change from just last year to this has hurt; how painfully hard its been to endure. and i know i'm headed into this with literally every aspect of my life changing: new job, new home, new country, new culture, new language, new roommate, new rules, new routine, new responsibilities, new budget, new surrounds, new community, new foods, ... the list could go on and on. i admit, i am terrified of all this new at once. i like my change to happen slowly, like a deep tan after the first summer's burn.
***
you're encouragement keeps me going. my memories and longing to remain comfortable tie my heart. i'm excited to go, but sad to be gone. ambivalence is a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
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